my heart

am feeling terribly miserable.

should be happy. found out that he is not leaving after all. will remain here.
SO?? he is not yours. he never was, and never will be.
what am i doing? why am i allowing myself to feel like this?
it's crazy to be pining after someone that you can never have, and i should be working out things with the one who is waiting for me to take him back.

suddenly i find myself at a point of my life, when i don't know what i really want.at some point, i thought i was perfectly ok with being single and unattached as i know there is very much more out there in the big big world that i want to see, feel and gain.
when i look around, and i see people settling down after being together for years, i being to ponder, how do they know if they are ready to settle down, and i'm envious of how they have reach that till death do us part decision?

when do you know? can someone tell me?