It happened.

It happened last week.

He came over to my house at noon to help me with some shifting of things. Everything was done within an hour, so we sat down to have a chat. Halfway through the chat, he pulled my hands and place it there.. and then it happened. Right there on my bed, and in my room.

yet another dream

all these really weird dreams have gotta stop.

Last night, I dreamt of a co-worker. One moment, the whole group was out at lunch and we did not get our food on time. Next moment, we were all staying over at someone's place. It looked very much like a sleepover party or so, as we were on mattresses and blankets on the floor. That was then when he came over and asked if I could sleep. He lightly brushed his lips on mine, but never did kiss me. At that very moment, it was as though i could hear his thoughts " just kiss her" . I remember myself enjoying that moment of closeness with him, and silently wished that he kissed me.

After that, the alarm woke me up, it's time for work. What happened in my dream is a vividly clear in my head, and the thought of having to see this person at work later, creates an awkward feeling.

All the dreams that I am having, I believe it is a result of my subconscious mind at work.mmm...

another dream

I have been having weird dreams.

I dreamt of the cutest guy yesterday and we were having sex on his couch.

and that was all I could remember.

the dream

had the weirdest dream yesterday.

was to meet up with a friend for some of his expertise today. and it happened a lil earlier but in my dreams.

I was at his home. seeking some advice, and was sitting on the bed using his laptop, when he pushed me down and kissed me. Locked in a passionate interlude, we did not hear a soft knock on the door, his mom came in and broke the kiss. Then I went ahead for a shower.

That was the dream... Weird..

it's over..

am feeling so miserable. it's over for real... i guess.

after a major argument, it's supposed to be over.

more of my tangled thoughts

was feeling a little emotional yesterday.

am thinking bout the diff people in my life. at the moment, i'm thinking about 2. one who needs me badly and one who i should not be missing.

the one that i should not miss put up pictures of someone on Facebook. that someone means a lot to him, and infact it shows so much that he is not available ANYMORE ! then what am i thinking? we have stopped texting each other that much. even if there are any msges, they are very brief, and decent ones.

It's something i need to deal with, something i need to learn how to do without. i have subconsciously taken him as part of my life, expecting to see him a lot.. but who am i trying to kid? besides myself..

I hate the fact that my feelings are so deep for him. just hate it. hate the fact that things traces back such a long way back..

my heart

am feeling terribly miserable.

should be happy. found out that he is not leaving after all. will remain here.
SO?? he is not yours. he never was, and never will be.
what am i doing? why am i allowing myself to feel like this?
it's crazy to be pining after someone that you can never have, and i should be working out things with the one who is waiting for me to take him back.

suddenly i find myself at a point of my life, when i don't know what i really want.at some point, i thought i was perfectly ok with being single and unattached as i know there is very much more out there in the big big world that i want to see, feel and gain.
when i look around, and i see people settling down after being together for years, i being to ponder, how do they know if they are ready to settle down, and i'm envious of how they have reach that till death do us part decision?

when do you know? can someone tell me?

last night

was feeling very miserable last night. was feeling lonely.

missed him a lot.wait a minute, which him is that? it's the one that i can never have.
i have not seen him for months.. let alone feel and touch him...
heard from him the other day, and was told that he is going away again... my heart sank a little.well he should be going back, back to where he belongs..to whom he belongs to..
my exact thoughts - is the grass always greener on the other side? that patch of grass over there always looks a bit more tempting then the one you are stepping on.

was feeling really lonely last night.. was browsing the files in my pc, came across our chats that i've saved for future reading.it was some steamy and lusty chats we had.
thoughts bout him filled my head, the very brief moments we shared kept playing in my mind..
oh how i missed you..can't wait to have your lips on mine.. your body against mine .. again..